Hey you there, standin' on a chair....

Hey you there, standin' on a chair....


Child - Hi, there. What'cha doin' ?

Adult - I'm standing about crying, on a chair.

Child - What'cha cryin' on a chair for ?

Adult - Everybody that I know does it. It helps give meaning to our lives.

Child - Uhm, d'you think my life can be meaningful without me doin' the chair thing ?

Adult - Er... no...

Child - Is it fun ?

Adult - Well, no....

Child - Why ya crying for anyway, though ? Did the chair have spikes shoot up through your feet, or somethin' ?

Adult - Good Lord child, no ! I just feel so amazing. I feel him in my whole body.

Child - Ya'know, that's weird you say that. Sometimes when mummy is in the bedroom with daddy, I c'n hear her say stuff like that through the wall....

Adult - No no, child. Clearly, your mummy is an evil harlot... possessed with the joys of the flesh, rather than the joys of standing about crying on a chair.
I see... this is a bad situation, and I feel moved to step in here. Please child, come stand next to me on your very own chair.

Child - What the behoozle are you on about, lady ? What's a harlot ?

Adult - All you need to know is that your mummy is really Satan in human form, my little sugarplum. Now shush, and come stand about next to me on a chair.

Child - Mummy is really Satan in diguise !?

Adult - But (shocked) of course.... has nobody ever told you ?

Child - (bursting into tears) Waaaaaaahhhh !

Adult (taking their hand) come now, hup on the chair. That's a good child.
There, don't you feel much better now ?

Child (on a chair) - WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH !

Adult (nodding) God loves him, and he is happy.
All is well in the world. The child is saved, and my life is meaningful.

(Adult resumes standing about crying, on a chair)

I like this.

...I assume it's based on typical cult theism with the speaking in tongues/quaking/possesion lunacy? It could be seen as symbolic of more though. The fact the adult is standing on a chair as if she is on display and thus very much putting on a show for anyone possibly watching...

I went to a church as a kid. Yet my parents weren't actually religious. So, I don't know. Not much effect. They were pretty nice and not in your face about things. We sang some songs together. It wasn't too bad. My father is nepalese and has always been just unreligious. He would admonish me about how I had to respect people's religion! Yet, I'd read some absurdity from the bible and he couldn't stop himself from laughing. My mom was more humorous in that she thought going to church was the proper thing but she clearly had absolutely no religious feeling in her. So I saw it was all just for show.

When I was a bit older (14 or so) went to a church for a while where the preacher was more fire and brimstone, going on about how if you even question the word of god or his existence, you'll burn in hell for eternity. This perhaps got me to become a more definate atheist at the time. Maybe helped me to become strongly militant for a time. Which, even now, I don't know... Despite my nihilism, militant atheism is still maybe the best position....